Mild and Anxious Weather

A gloomy day today. Grey, moribund skies, windy rain flung at the window. A thick and monochrome light in the spare room I've been sleeping in here. Maybe I should turn the light on, but I always find something a bit depressing about turning the light on in the day, no matter how dark it gets.
I can hear some kind of bird outside, singing away, lost in the wind.

Return back to Brighton tomorrow, and then the day after, back to work. Back to that old cycle of work, sleep, work, sleep, weekend, work, sleep ad nauseum. Not that we get a proper weekend. Working those extra four hours on a Saturday, without a corresponding four hours off in the week is a killer. I keep thinking of Philip Larkin's line about 'leading lives of quiet desperation'. On the other hand, I should be able to pay off my credit card next week, which will be good, and still have more than enough to live on for January until pay day.

The dead days of the year, between boxing day and new years day. Where do they belong? Kind of belong to Christmas, and kind of to the new year. Nowhere hours. The weather today seems to reflect the nowhere-ness of this week between. I'll take a walk this afternoon along the hopefully deserted beach. I can imagine I'm the doomed protagonist of 'Oh Whistle and I'll Come to You my Lad'.
Actually he wasn't so much doomed, as cursed to spend the rest of his days in a state of nervous agitation, jumping at the most mundane of things; a scarecrow in a field, a coat hanging on a door...

...which is kind of how I'm feeling at the moment. A kind of low-level nervous agitation. I'm not sure why. I'm not even sure there is a reason. A sense of foreboding hangs over me, a mild superstitious dread... The kind of feeling you have on the morning before a really important job interview perhaps... or maybe more like the feeling you get if you're at home and owe the landlord rent, and its been a few days late, and you know the landlord is coming around sometime, and you're trying to relax, and you just can't... I wake in the mornings when it is still dark, and lie there, half asleep, feeling purposeless adrenalin turning my stomach.
It is all rather annoying, particularly as I can't find anything (touchwood) to be really concerned about.

1:16pm now. Still seems to be raining outside, so not sure my M.R.James inspired walk along the beach will happen. Rain keeps being flung at the windowpane behind me. It sounds horrible out there. Well, unless the rain does, ease, the afternoon will be spent trying to ignore that implacable feeling of edginess that hangs over these days.
Maybe I'll just go to sleep instead.