It’s gone quiet at work – for the first time in what seems forever – no call for about five minutes. Grey outside –though still humid. My body feels heavy and headache-y. I bought the Pan Book of Horror Stories volume 3 at lunchtime for 70p. I used to have them all, but were lost somewhere over the various moves I’ve done over the last 20 years. I’m trying to get them all again.
A work colleague has pointed out that the sea looks autumnal, and there is something autumnal about it out there. It’s not just the greyness of the day, but something else… the sea reminds me of the sun on mid-September days, warm, and laced through with something, some trace of the coolness coming.
Too warm in here. I would turn the air conditioning on but am afraid that people would feel the cold.
I watch people pass by on the sea front, four floors below. They walk in silence and talk in silence, and don’t know I’m half-heartedly watching them. The cars pass by in silence. The day passes by in silence. I don’t want to be here any more.
Only an hour and twenty minutes left. Only three or four months till I leave here permanently. Every day I work here I find myself more and more diminished. Slowly fading away – no, I’m fading quickly now, a rapid decompositioninto a husk of exhaustion and eye-strain. I have no plans for when I leave but anywhere must surely be better than this.
