It has been a gloomy day, stultifying in its absolution.
This is not, surprisingly, always a bad thing, as long as we do not have too many of them. The occasional foray into summer gloom is to be welcomed, even if the days become strange and disconsolate things.
I met up with Andy at the entrance to St Anns Well Park, shortly before running into Chloe. We descended into town, ending up first at Argos, and then at the cafe in the North Laine I only ever go in with Andy. Coffee was pleasant and lingering, but Chloe had to get off to a dog training appointment (she trains dogs) and Andy and myself could no longer put off facing the weather waiting for us outside.
It hadn't improved, in fact, wouldn't all day (its 10:49pm now, and it is still raining). There was no point being out, the rain was that cold kind that hangs heavy on your heart, and the shops were closing - it was 4:00pm after all. We both wrote off the day, and I left Andy to walk back to his flat outside of mine, and returned with that rain-heavy heart to the bedsit.
I have never known a place as this to generate a disquieting air of dissatisfaction. The bedsit was messy, which never really helps. I had soon tidied it, though it must be said that the bedsit always teeters on the verge of harrowing disorder. I wish I could be tidy, but it seems inimical to me to be unable - despite my best efforts - to do so.
After the bedsit had been tidied, and after dinner - well what to do next? I couldn't think of any DVDs to watch, and anyway, watching DVDs while it is still light outside is just wrong. For a while I tried to read some of those old horror comics I had bought in London a month ago, but I was trying to fool myself I was enjoying them. I tried modelling for a while. I bought some Fimo modelling clay yesterday as an experiment. I approached it with a rather naive optimism, but my attempts at fashioning a figure were clumsy and without merit - or even much in the way of enjoyment. Despite this, I had fashioned some strangely elongated figure with a huge beak / hook for a head. It looked like something a six year old might make. Never mind. I wasn't really bothered by this, but was quite excited at the thought of baking it hard and then painting it. I put it in the oven, and ten minutes later, investigated how it was doing. Opening the oven door, I was greeted by a waft of smoke. The model-thing had got stuck to the bottom of the oven (are you supposed to put them on foil or something?) and was burning away merrily. Alarmed at the thought of the fire alarm going off, I soon switched off the oven and scraped the clay thing from the bottom.
I would need to find something else to do.
I stared out of the window for a bit, watched people walk up and down the street under umbrellas and scarves and hoods. It looked like winter out there again. I listened to the whole of 'Watershed' by Opeth - a metal band whose sole inspiration seem to be gloomy Sundays such as this one, and also 'Fallen' by Fields of the Nephilim. The latter made me think nostalgically about gloomy rainy Sundays when I was working at the petrol station.
Finally it was time (at 8:30pm) to meet Em at Brighton train station, whose day in London was similarly wet. The planned Hyde Park picnic had soon transferred itself to a cramped pub.
I had a cup of tea and a shower at Em's flat (as the shower on my landing is, again, not working) and came home. It was about 10:20pm when I left Em's house so it was fully dark. It was the best I had felt all day as I walked slowly up Brunswick Square, past all the Edwardian buildings. Some of the houses were hidden behind the black-clutch of scaffolding. There was something peaceful and deeply mysterious about them. The soundtrack to the film 'Suspiria' was playing on my headphones.
It suited the short walk home perfectly.
And now I sit on the sofa, collapsing into the broken-spring space below the sinking cushions, and think about sleep.
It sounds like the rain has stopped out there.
ps an apology; sorry I have not commented back to anyone of late, my laptop is still not allowing me to post comments. I don't know why, it really is most annoying! My apologies then, Na, Ruby and Ingrid - I'm not ignoring you honest!
